You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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