Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
