I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
