Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
