I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
