Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
