exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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