Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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