Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
