is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
