I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
soo... how was my night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
