sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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