You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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