i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
