We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
