I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We are two peas in an std pod
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
