...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
