i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
