you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
