you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
