So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
