I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i've created a new STD.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
