3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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