I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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