we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
