How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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