well you can't waste a boner
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
