Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
