Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
