saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
