He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
