somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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