I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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