They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
do herpes really smell.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
