I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
