I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
