i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
