he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
