my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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