Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
