drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
