i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
