i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
