Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
