so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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