Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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