i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
