I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
