I accidentally had phone sex last night
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
