you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
