Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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