I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
