bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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