I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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