Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
